that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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