you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
