She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
