I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
