he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
