I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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