everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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