I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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