Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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