I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
