Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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