Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
