Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
