we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
