Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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