You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
