I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
