You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize