You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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