I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
