Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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