FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
