did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
