So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
