SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think I sprained my soul last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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