first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
