the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
