Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
