Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
