you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
as a side note pls kill me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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