I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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