I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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