I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
