Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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