batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
