i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
