I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
