pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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