two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
