So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
