okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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