you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
