oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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