Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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