Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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