I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
