im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
