His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
