I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
