hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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