I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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