In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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