i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
