I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
