WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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