How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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