Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
