my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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