Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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