Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
