I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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