Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
