I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
