you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
