I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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