There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
