And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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