It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
