Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
