those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
