I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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